Just Say No To Other People’s Chores.

By Karen and Erica

You recently retired—or you are about to. You have come to the end of a fine career, with mixed feelings. You will miss many parts of your job—the structure, the colleagues, the paycheck, the purpose—but you have succeeded, and you can’t wait to see your next challenge and triumph.

It is an exciting time. But beware. Dangers lurk! Even among people you consider friends and family.

Maybe you have discovered this already. If not, you will. Lots of people will think that since you are not working, you are free to do stuff for them. Indeed, because you are surely at loose ends, they will be doing you a favor by filling your calendar with chores. They have external obligations, and don’t have time to pick up the laundry or walk the dog.. But you do. Right?

Just say no.

This is your time. You have earned the right to do whatever you want to do. You worked until the end of your career, you raised a family and made sure everyone was fed and clothed and schooled. Now it is time for something new. Now you get to decide how to use the foundation of your working life for your next act.

You did not work as hard as you did so that when you retired you could become a girl Friday.

If you like babysitting and house cleaning for your children, fine. If you want to help out once in a while because you are a really nice person, do it! But don’t let other people fill your days with chores. Or other obligations you don’t really enjoy. Have you offered your expertise to a non-profit that seems to offer great opportunities, and then been relegated to party planner? If you enjoy that, fine. If not, just say no. And if you try to get a job and all they want you to do is something you did thirty years ago, just say no to that too.

You will find something purposeful that will fulfill you. But maybe not right away. Don’t panic. Don't let yourself get so tied down that you find you cannot do what you really want to do because you have too many other obligations. And don’t think it is appropriate to be treated like an intern. You have something invaluable—experience. People can take it or leave it—but don’t let them ignore it.

You spent decades becoming successful at work, thinking about the people you served, and serving your family. You have earned the right to think about yourself, your time and your future. There are some true external constraints — you may need to make money or care for family. But as for everything else, don’t let others make you feel guilty for not doing their errands.

You have earned the right to take some time to decide what you want to do, and then to go do it. Even, or especially, if you decide to go off-roading in the desert before, or as, your next gig.